Where do you want me to begin?
This is an article I wrote a couple of years ago:
About a week or so ago, I really felt like watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. What’s so special about that, I hear you ask? Most people known I am a big Indy fan. Well, to be honest, I haven’t seen that movie in at least two years, (maybe even longer). I can hear your audible gasp from here! Here’s the thing. Even though I saw Crystal Skull several times in the theatre, there was a period where I really liked it, but then I found myself finding a lot of faults with the movie. At one time, I actually had a love/hate relationship with Skull, but have recently come to appreciate it in a new light.
Despite its many flaws, I actually enjoyed watching the movie and it was good to see Harrison back in the role. My main complaints about the movie are as follows:
When Spalko first meets Indy, I feel that the line when he comments on how she pronounces her w’s and the lighthearted slap she gives him on his cheek was too jokey. I just think that it should have been a bit more of a serious scene.
Indy should have said something to Mutt when he makes the comment about his age. Personally, I would have slapped him upside the head.
When Indy and Mutt were captured at the cemetery, in the following scene at the campsite, I would have made Indy’s clothes look dusty and worn.
In the scene where they escape in the jungle, I certainly would have cut out that ridiculous scene with the snake and cut to the next scene, after Indy says: “He’s my son? Why the hell didn’t you make him finish school?!?” I press the next scene button at this point. In the next scene they could have explained how they were recaptured.
At the end, when the skull is replaced on the 13th skeleton, I certainly would NOT have had you see the alien. I would have done something similar to when the Ark was opened in Raiders. Also, Spalko’s death was over too quickly and there was absolutely no build up whatsoever.
The changes I would have made to the script are as follows:
Dovchenko: “You recognize building, yes?”
Indy: “Go to hell! I’m sorry. I meant, go to hell, comrade.”
Mutt: “I think I just saw something!”
Indy: It’s your imagination, kid.”
Mutt: “This way down.”
Indy: “You okay, kid?”
Mutt: “Well, what’s he gonna do now?”
Marion: “He’s your father. He doesn’t plan that far ahead.”
Indy: “They all had the same problem.”
Marion: “Oh yeah, what’s that?”
Indy: “They weren’t you, sweetheart.”
Indy: "Ox, how did you get past..." Grabs the skull from him and uses it to scare the tribe. "Never mind..."
Speaking of dialogue, when Indy replies to Mutt’s question with “Part time”, the cut from the trailer was much better, and felt more natural. It’s a real shame that they used a different cut for this scene in the movie.
People complain about the plot in Temple of Doom, by saying it is weak, but I disagree. I feel that Crystal Skull’s plotline is definitely the weakest. The ‘so called’ plotline about Oxley putting the skull back is just not very well thought out. The other thing I feel was badly thought out is the character of Mac and how he goes from being Indy’s friend, betraying him, being his friend and betraying him again. To me, that made no sense whatsoever.
Now for the Indy gear. The fedora looked awesome on Harrison and I am thrilled to call myself a friend to Steve Delk and Marc Kitter, of Adventurebilt Hats. However, I really would have love to have seen the jacket look more distressed as it just looked too new to me. They could have sent the jackets to me and I would have distressed the heck out of them! It’s a real shame that we didn’t get to see Indy use his pistol and whip more and it feels as if each Indy installment has less and less use of the whip. I just wished by the end of the movie, the gear would have looked a bit more lived in, as it didn’t look distressed enough. My other major complaint was that there was too much CGI used and not enough real life sets. One of the things that I love about the Indiana Jones trilogy is that there were so many real sets built for the movies and it just feels more realistic to me. There were parts of Crystal Skull where I just felt that the environment looked fake. My other complaint was that parts of the plotline felt like something out of a fan fiction novel (not that I have anything against fan fiction, as I write it myself). The part where we find out that Indy has a son, was so obvious and I felt that the wedding at the end was also pretty clichéd. It is almost as if the writers couldn’t come up with anything more original, and they got their ideas from a bunch of online posts on message boards and fan fiction sites.
On a positive note, my favorite lines from the movie are:
Indy: “Damn! I thought that was closer!”
Indy: “You wanna be a good archaeologist? You gotta get out of the library!”
Indy: “Treat her right, kid. You only get one, and sometimes not for that long.”
Mutt: “You’re a teacher?”
Indy: “Part time.”
Indy: “Dance on your own time, will you?”
Marion: “You still leaving a trail of human wreckage, or have you retired?”
Indy: “Yeah, Marion! Let’s not let the kid see mom and dad fight!”
Indy: “Scooch over, will you son?”
Mutt: “Don’t call me son! Don’t!”
Regarding the scene near the end where Indy is telling Mac to hurry up, I would have completely rewritten that to give it some more substance.
Indy: "Use your legs Mac! I can't do it alone!"
Mac: "I'll be all right, I'll..."
The whip is taut, with Mac hanging on for dear life.
Mac: "I'm scared, Jonesy! I don't wanna die!"
Indy: "Hang on, Mac, just..."
At that moment, Mac is no longer able to hold on to the end of the whip and he screams in terror as he is pulled away by the inertia of the temple crumbling away.
My conclusion is this. Is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull a good movie? Well, it’s a fun movie and one that had me laughing out loud at times but I don’t know if I would class it as a good movie. Here’s the thing. I think I have finally come to terms with it, as long as I don’t take it too seriously and remind myself that hey, it’s just a movie after all. I guess that I feel after reading Frank Darabont’s unused
script, that would have been a much better movie than the one we were given, and to be honest, I feel that George Lucas is to blame. In my opinion, Darabont’s script was very well written and I would have especially loved to have seen that on the big screen, especially the scene near the end where Indy receives the Congressional Gold Medal by President Eisenhower. Okay, yes, there was wedding at the end, but it was brief, followed by Indy and Marion’s wedding party. I just can’t help but think that this would have made a much better movie, as the writing was beyond what David Koepp could ever come up with.
Lastly, does Crystal Skull measure up to the Indy trilogy? In my opinion, absolutely not. I feel that it’s nowhere near as good as Raiders, Temple of Doom or Last Crusade. I have always felt that you have the trilogy and then the fourth movie is separate and I do not see it as a quadrology.
